The last couple of days have been brutal. Little things have been happening to make me think that life is changing and I really don’t like that. I don’t feel ready for a change and it makes me panic. I’m the type of person that only wants things to change when I want them to change. That’s why I build a routine, so I know what to expect and when to expect it.
It started 2 days ago. I forgot my cell phone when I left for work in the morning. It cascaded into other things happening that I can’t remember because my brain has moved into panic mode but I listed them off yesterday to my girlfriend who gave me a look,
“Oh my god I’m in a car with a raving madman!”
She said with great empathy, “I understand.”
Now you have a small reason for why I fell in love with her.
Work doesn’t help, I work in customer service for a major bank in Canada. With everything my brain is processing, the last thing I need is having to repeat myself to people who ask a question and then aren’t interested in an answer. Actually, that’s not quite right, they are not interested in a answer unless it’s what they wanted to hear. I end up telling it to them with a mocking tone as if they are hard-of-hearing.
Sorry for using that analogy, I love deaf people. I learned sign language because I deeply respect how they live their life. But people who “hear” really do a poor job of it. At lunch I realize I have grossly miscalculated my vacation funds. PANIC

I am twirling down my rabbit hole and when I crash to the bottom the Mad Hatter himself would be freaked out at my anxiety.

After lunch I go back to the mindless consumers. Yes, that means you.
Sorry…I’m in a mood.
I get this customer who introduces herself as, Karen, that’s pronounced Car-in. I say,
“Hi Car-in, how can I help you?”
“Oh my god you said my name right. Everyone always gets it wrong.”
“Well, My job is to listen to people all day.”
Karen ( Car-in) and I have made a connection. We tell each other how annoying it is that people don’t listen and that our children aren’t that bad even. We ask if the other would like to take the others child, that’s a joke only parents get, but I am so proud of mine I tell her my oldest works on a ship and travels all the time so he really is no bother. She tells me her child has traveled. I tell her she has been a pleasure to talk to and she will be my dinner story tonight. She says,
“If you want a story, I have a doozy for ya.”
I finish providing her great customer service, cause that’s how I roll. Oh gees, sorry about that.
Then I ask her to tell the story. She clears her throat and starts,
My daughter was travelling in Thailand and was teaching a class of 7 year olds. She thought it would be a nice gift to me to have the class say hello to me because I was in Canada and they could feel what its like to talk go someone in Canada. So I agree and she gets the children lined up and 1 by 1 they come on the phone. The first child comes and and says, penis, laughs and puts the phone down. I hear my daughter say in the background, “That’s my mother.” The second child comes on and says, poopy pants, and puts the phone down. My daughter is now distraught and picks up the phone and says, sorry mom. I’m laughing so hard and my daughter asks,
“What’s so funny?”
“Now you know how I felt when you swore at strangers.”

I am also laughing at this point because I get it. If you are a parent, you get it. Children are so unpredictable that worrying about life is not worth it. Afterwards I realize sitting on train going home that things will change but I don’t have too.

Thanks Karen, I’m really going to enjoy dinner tonight.