Help is so hard to find. The saying was said by so many housewives back in the day when having a maid or nanny was a statement of social status. If you had a maid, then your husband was well off but not rich. It also meant you had a social life outside your marriage and would be part of some charity. For some it was a way to escape a mistake that couldn’t be corrected, not until you realized your marriage wasn’t as sacred as men told you it was. I, for one, being a man and all, am so very happy women think for themselves. A wise “person” once said, a progressive and productive society is one that embraces the power of the woman.
I love that statement. That to me is the essence of being equal. From the moment that women started writing their own destiny, is the moment that men matured.
We, as humans, measure accomplishments in periods of time. Think about this, the fastest progression in history, in every field and profession and future planning has happened since women became integrated into society.
Why am I on a love-fest for women you ask?
I had a really lousy day at work. I was over stressed and nervous about a job interview I had. When it was time to stand on my own two feet I choked. It isn’t important why I choked. Simply that I did. I was on a whirlwind of self-hate. You know what I mean. I was so glad it was at the end of my day and I couldn’t wait to race out of the office. My boss, a man, asked me how the interview went. Oh I forgot to explain, it was a move up from where I was, it would put me in a leadership role and he was my #1 supporter. I brushed him off with a,
“It was good, I have to go.” I said it so fast.
“Ok.” he said knowing something was wrong.
I spent the whole trip home, just swearing at myself and for one brief moment I realized the people I disappointed. I put so much pressure on myself to get the job because I know how much it would make people happy to see me succeed. I played scenarios in my mind of how to deal with it. All of them had me throwing massive amount of attitude. I had this scenario where everyone asked me how it was and I would yell at them for not understanding that I didn’t want to talk about it. I have this “thing” where I want people to ask me about me and want people to guess when it’s the best time to do so and every other time they should just leave me alone.
Reality is not our perception, but our perception usually becomes reality.
I was convinced that I did horribly. I began the playback of the interview and dissected the entire conversation I had with the 2 people in the room. I saw how they were writing things down. It didn’t look right, they didn’t write enough and why were the questions they asked in that order, were they purposefully trying to throw me off? It’s all my fault, I didn’t prepare well enough. I should have been ready for anything, I’m obviously not ready for the new position. What was I thinking? I proceed to call myself an idiot and stupid for the next 20 mins. After awhile you get exhausted and close your eyes and do the yell in your head thing. For all you self-haters, you know what I’m talking about. For all you other perfect people, this is something that we self-haters do when we feel embarrassed. We yell at ourselves in our head and then tell ourselves to just forget it. We don’t though, it festers.
I decided to punish myself and I forbid myself from listening to music on the way home from work. Trust me it was torture because I now subjected myself to having to listen to mindless rambling on the subway from someone who is having such a hard time figuring out what to buy their husbands cousin’s brother wife, who may or may not come for Christmas dinner.
Yeah, I would lose sleep over that….(sigh)
When I got off the subway I told myself I won’t answer texts or phone calls when I got home. I wanted to be alone. When I got home I wanted someone to call me to go for drinks. Talk about moody right?
I realized when I got home, I was tired and didn’t want to think anymore. The worst thing for a self-hater is to think. The way to overcome any episode of hate is to stop thinking, get out of your head. My go to exercise is listen to Movie Soundtracks.
Hans Zimmer is a genius. I’m just going to leave it at that. Oh wait one last thing, listen to the track from Inception called “Time”. I can’t stop listening to it.
I sighed heavily twice and let the music into my head. I realized when I did that I had to write and explain what had happened today. Why the woman love? I put my situation into perspective. Men make life so difficult for women and equated them as “sub-human” at one point. They even went so far as to think dogs deserved more respect then women. Is that why dogs are a man’s best friend? So men didn’t have to take women seriously? Not even the right to vote. And I thought I had a bad day? Try over a dozen centuries of bad days. Gees, I feel better. Thank you to all the women out there.
Did I get the job? Probably not.
Do I want to tell you about what happened?
Nope, not in the slightest. Let’s just move past it.