I love movies. The first movie I remember sitting in the movie theatre for was Pinocchio. I don’t remember too much except that he got swallowed by a whale and then he started turning into a donkey and I wanted to have long ears just like him and what did I have to do to get them. Oh wait, he drank alcohol and smoked cigars and gambled. Gee’s Walt, great message. All the fun things in life make you a donkey. By the way, drinking alcohol and smoking and gambling don’t make you into a donkey, I know, I tried and believe me I did a lot of those things and the gambling thing I mostly did with my life.
Movies became an absolute escape for me. When I walked out of the movie theatre I wanted to be the character. I wanted to live their life and I felt so inspired by their trials and tribulations. I remember my good friend at the time T.J asked me to go to the movies with him to see Rocky III and I was just so happy someone asked me to go to the movies and we went with his brother Ben and his father. I remember we went to Toronto to watch the movie and it was a big thing for me because I lived in a suburb called Oakville. I hardly ever left Oakville and to go to the big city was a permanent memory ingrained into my mind. If you haven’t seen the movie it’s about Rocky losing the title and getting it back. He loses his mentor and father figure Mickey and has to restart with the most unlikely ally, Apollo, which he had beaten to become the World Champion. Rocky gets severely beaten and he all but gives up and he has to question his inner strength and rebuild himself. He can’t seem to shake his past demons and at one point Apollo gives up and tells Rocky’s wife Adrianne that it’s all over. Rocky just seems to distracted and can’t push himself. Adrianne talks to Rocky and he finally admits he’s afraid. He’s afraid of losing. Adrianne tells him,
“If you lose then you lose, but at least you won’t have any excuses.”
I walked out that day into the street and wanted to start a fight. I was 13 years old and skinnier then a toothpick and I couldn’t punch a feather. But I felt strong and I wanted to take on the world. I believed I could do it too.
Some point after that I got obsessed with romantic comedy’s. I loved how the quirky guy with no friends seemed to always get the girl in the end. I loved how the 2 people who faced the most difficult odds, made it work and showed everyone how all you really need is love and that guy who made the biggest mistake and hurt the one girl who really loved him and he never knew but in the last 5 minutes of the movie realized how big of a mistake he made by going after the prettiest girl in the school and the one girl who always was there for him, that’s who he should be with. What I learned was that even in a horrible situation, it can and most likely it will work out and you just have to believe in love. Ah yes, the “All you need is Love” delusion. Little did I know the heartbreak I would live through because I used this as my foundation for every relationship I had. I was suckered into believing a manner of love that had no future.
Later in life after several failed relationships and one being a marriage I realized that I was not the only one being “suckered” into this way of living. I went to weddings where I saw this delusion being played out. Speeches that were written professed the same thing.
“ I can’t wait for the rest of my life to begin so we can learn to love together.”
You haven’t learned that yet? You do realize you just stood in front of your family and friends and vowed to stay together until you die. Not promise, not hope, but VOWED, to stay together. Do you know what I learned from my marriage breaking apart? Other then the fact that I had no bloody idea what it meant to be married. A wedding is the reward, not the beginning where you start your journey. That’s why we have a high rate of divorce.
Imagine a marathon runner is able to hold the trophy for a day before he runs the marathon and all he has to do is vow to run the marathon. If he’s held the trophy, what’s the incentive?
There are some that say,
“A wedding is where you can announce your commitment to each other and it binds the families together. It takes a community to raise a child and family and in the presence of the family you vow to work through anything.”
You haven’t done that yet? You just spent how many years dating and working through life together and making each others lives into one harmonious life. You learned from your mistakes and forgave each other and showed your family that you deserve each other and that the respect and honour is strong and cannot be bent by anything or anyone. Do you really need a ceremony to make you believe that? If your answer is yes then I’m sorry to tell you your marriage will fail.
I have learned that a wedding should be the reward for all the hard work the 2 of you have put into the relationship.
I got a tattoo on my left shoulder. It is a crescent moon with a star. It symbolizes the commitment between 2 lovers. Love, Faithfulness and Harmony. These are the things I want in a relationship, when I get them I will be ready to marry. These 3 things are the hardest to obtain in a relationship.
To be in love you must respect and trust and be honest and honour someone else.
To have faithfulness you must have blind faith in your relationship. You must believe that only with you both it can live. No one else can make it live with you.
To have harmony means that even if you both say things a different way and do things a different way you both are doing the same thing and can only do the same thing together. Without you both, different music would play.
Once you have that, then start planning a wedding. The marriage is where you continue to practice all of that and now you have 2 families as back-up.
From now on if I get invited to a wedding I will have a set of a questions for the couple before I go and purchase a gift. I have every right to ask the questions. I have been to so many weddings where I honestly believed that the couple was having a wedding just to get free stuff. Those same weddings I would get a phone call 2 years later announcing their divorce.
There’s a part of me that really doesn’t care about all the other couples who get divorced and married and remarried and divorced again and then to get married again a third time. And some to the same person all 3 times. That’s just a whole lot of crazy I don’t have time to explain.
We all have been made to believe that a wedding is the start of a happy journey and with a little hard work everything will work out. Because all you need is love and the rest will work itself out.
Top 5 reasons why people get divorced.
1. Poor Communication
4. No longer attracted to one another.
It looks to me like you need more than love. In fact you need everything else other than love.
Sorry John Lennon, you had it all wrong.