If you live in Toronto Canada, and have taken a ride on the TTC (Toronto Transit), then you must have at some point experienced a person that is not, how shall I put this, not in their right state of mind. I know that’s a vague description because that really could mean anyone. Let me just say then, it’s the person we all automatically think of as “crazy”. And what is crazy? I personally think we all are crazy in some shape or form. How many times have any of us just blurted out something and then realized we are not alone and start looking around to see if anyone noticed?

Of course they noticed!!!

Remember the time before cell phones, if someone was talking out loud and there was no one else with them, you would automatically think “what a nut job”. Now it’s a common occurrence. You see so many people talking out loud and walking with no one else and they are literally talking to the air around them. It used to be, that crazy was just crazy. Now we have degrees of crazy. With so much research and awareness on mental illness more of us are actually self- analyzing and letting others know, I personally like to check the internet. I just googled “Am I crazy?” I found this website to address the question that everyone seems to ask me, ” Are you crazy or something?” If you are wondering whether you are or not, here is the link,

http://www.qfeast.com/personality/quiz/922/Are-you-insane

No matter what the test says, I know I am crazy, I tell myself all the time when I stare into the mirror and discuss with myself the importance of being myself and believing in myself, that I’m not crazy. I often talk to myself and reason things out. It gets frustrating when I argue with myself and I can be so stubborn, yes I really can.

The test told me I’m normal but I think I’m crazy for believing it. What is normal anyway? What are the standards that constitute normal? If I told everyone I know the test told me I was normal I would get laughed at. Everyone in my life has at one time or another said I am crazy. Just today I had my girlfriend tell me that I am crazy, we were having lunch and I asked her “Why am I crazy?” She said, ” Because you are with me.”

I took a test to see if I had some sort of syndrome and I actually found out I had OCD when I took the test. The test wasn’t for OCD but when I finished, the result actually said I don’t have the syndrome, (for the life of me I can’t remember what it was for and it will drive me crazy to try to remember) but it did say I have OCD. I replied “DUH” I knew that. I then tried to take the test again to see if I could get a different answer. No luck.

When I hang my clothes up in my closet the shirts must be facing the same way. T-shirts face one way and dress shirts face the opposite. I mean they are different after all. Facing the same way would just be crazy, right? Did I mention all my shirts are white. I asked my girlfriend to knit me a scarf, guess what colour? That’s right. I refuse to sleep in a bed that has coloured sheets. The bottom and cover sheet must be white and as well as the pillowcase. I was searching for a white comforter and I finally saw the one I like at Ikea and now I can sleep comfortably. Coloured sheets feel dirty. Think about it, you know I’m right.

I hate clutter. Need I say more. Well I will because just thinking about it makes me crazy.

Clutter to me is chaotic. If it has no function being in my life I get rid of it. Why have something gathering dust that just takes up space. I re-organized my freezer because someone had placed boxes of food into the freezer and I think it takes up too much space. I removed the food out of the box and placed it back into the freezer. I got a quarter of the space back!! Have empty space instead. It’s peaceful. Simplicity is the key to happiness. When things are simple, it’s easier to enjoy. If I complicate anything, I just get frustrated. The craziness happens in my head. I get into an argument and it’s hard to stop because I’m fighting both sides and I refuse to lose an argument. I love routine for my every-day things. I get up at the same time during the week, I know exactly what I am going to wear and it’s always the same. Routine lets me think. Having clutter gives me a headache, it looks messy and disorganized. I have a saying, “If I don’t use it for 2 weeks and have no future plans for it, it gets thrown out.”

Hmmm, maybe I should try that with my friends…(just kidding) (no I’m not….)

I just found the test I took for the syndrome. It’s called Derealisation. It’s an anxiety disorder. Here is the definition based on the website.

Derealization – A Scary Anxiety Symptom

In cases of severe anxiety, a person may feel as though they’re going crazy. They may feel as though something is off in reality and the world around them is essentially crashing. In some cases, this may cause the world to feel “unreal,” as though something is off in the world around them.

I feel that way!!! (Sometimes) Ok, fine!! More then people know ok?? Happy now?? I literally can’t think. Everything starts spinning and I can’t speak and I just need to be alone. When I spend time alone I can distract myself from life and “reboot”. I get so desperate and frustrated. I just want to get away. I told someone the other day that I no longer wanted to live in Canada and I wanted to go somewhere to restart my life. I was so fed up with things, mostly the weather. It was getting ridiculous, -30 degrees C, how is that even normal? I would stay home, but I get paranoid about getting fired if I can’t validate the reason for staying home.

“Hi I’m staying home today because it’s too crazy cold out.”

Every time I talk to my Therapist I always say “you probably think I’m crazy but…” because I think he will always tell me that I’m am crazy for thinking something. He never does though. He says I am a very normal person. How insulting is that?? Who wants to be normal? I love my crazy. Most of the friends I have and I love them, is because I am crazy. Maybe crazy isn’t who you are, but what you do.

Crazy should be the new normal.